There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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