I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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