Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
