SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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