I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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