You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
