But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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