i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
