id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
