I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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