I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize