it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just high enough for therapy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
