Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize