guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
