My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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