i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
