I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
