when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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