Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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