Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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