and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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