I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
