I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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