I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
