We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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