Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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