I think I won the penis lottery.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
