Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
