so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sick fucks of a feather flock together
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
