Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
