btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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