Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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