That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize