If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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