remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
