Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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