omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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