my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
