I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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