No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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