I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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