I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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