we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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