Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
