I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
