Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
