I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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