we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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