I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
