Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
