so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
