Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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