My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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