just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
