How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
