is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I deserve this hangover.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
