He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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