around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
