my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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