Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
