Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
