ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
