I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize