I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My cat gives me a boner
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
