just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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