Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
