Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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