I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
