Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
