Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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