Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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