Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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