I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am one with the molecules
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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