Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
