I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
