guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
